Parts Of You
by DySolo
Summary: Spencer can't get Adam out of his head and decides to fight for him during his trial while continuing to visit Amanda. What happens when he finds out more about himself than he ever imagined? Will he be able to save Adam? NOT UPDATED FREQUENTLY. Adam/Rei
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Parts of You  
****Pairing: Adam/Spencer**  
**Rating: T - M?**  
**Summary: Spencer can't get Adam out of his head and decides to fight for him during his trial while continuing to visit Amanda. What happens when he finds out more about himself than he ever imagined? Will he be able to save Adam?**

* * *

Spencer sat, hunched over his computer, searching for more legal cases involving Dissociative Identity Disorder. Adam's trial was starting soon and he was trying his best to help his defense attorney, who wasn't the greatest. Adam didn't have any money, so he'd gotten a public defender who knew nothing about insanity pleas or DID. Although, the man seemed confident that he was going to win 'his first big case'. All he had to do was get one juror to believe that Adam was sick, he said. And Spencer had to agree. It had happened in Tennessee, although that hadn't been a real case of DID. The man had been lying and was now having a new trial. Could Adam be lying? It wasn't logical to have been involved in two different cases of DID in the five years he had worked here, was it? This disorder was rare and yet, here he was, surrounded by it again. He closed his eyes, exhausted. His muscles ached from being hunched over a desk for so long, but he knew it was worth it. He knew Adam wasn't lying and he had to help him. He had to figure out how to make Amanda let Adam go. He jumped when someone touched his back. He turned to see JJ looking at him, concerned.

"You okay, Spence? It's almost 9 o'clock."

Spencer sat up straighter. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

She looked at what he was reading and sighed. "Adam is still stuck in your head, huh?"

She sat on the desk and looked at him, knowing he needed to talk. He had been struggling with his case for the last six weeks, taking random visits out to Texas. And now the case was coming up, Spencer and Hotch were both going to testify. She watched how he shrugs.

"He doesn't deserve to go to jail, JJ. He needs help...Prison will.. It will only break him down more. Amanda will be in a male's prison and... She'll be abused and raped and...Adam will never get a chance. Plus, She'll mostly likely be bullied by the staff because they don't understand her or be put into isolation and that could only make it worse."

"She killed 3 people, Spencer."

"Yes. Amanda did. Not Adam. Adam deserves... he deserves to live his life."

JJ gave him a look. "then what do you suggest?"

"He stay at the facility, get help. There are studies that say that the personalities can be integrated to form one main personality. Adam could... he could get better."

JJ sighed and ruffled his hair. "Spencer, you can't fix everyone."

"I can help Adam." The look of determination in his eyes was so strong she couldn't fight it. She just smiled and slid off the desk, grabbing her bag. She began to walk away before she paused and looked back towards him.

"This isn't… about something more than that, is it? Like… your mom?" She asked softly. She's not trying to upset him, but she worries about him.

Spencer shook his head, leaning back into his hunched position, his eyes back on the screen. JJ sighed. She wasn't going to get an answer.

"Good night, Reid."

He gave her a short nod, his mind back to his previous mission.

**Criminal Minds || Parts of You**

The trial starts and Spencer sits through the evidence portion of the case. He listens to the medical examiner and crime scene unit talk about each of the murders, what was found and how they perceived what happened. There was no DNA or fingerprint analysis. He knew all this already, from the case he worked. It takes a couple days to get through the physical evidence of the case before Spencer is called to the stand. He knows that he and Hotch are both going to testify. He doesn't understand why the prosecution calls him at all, but he figures it's to put an image of him into the eyes of the jury before the defense asks him his questions. He gets on the stand, regardless, focusing on the case at hand. He makes sure to specify that it was Amanda that did these things, and not Adam, but as he assumes the prosecution dives in further than just the case and into his personal history. He gets through it and once he's off the stand, leaves the courthouse.

After the court lets out for the day, he visits Amanda at the facility. She smirks at him as she saunters in.

"You spoke at my trial today." She says as she sits.

He nods. "I did."

"They tore you apart. Your mother's a paranoid schizophrenic. Is that why you're doing this?"

Spencer shakes his head. "I'm doing this for Adam."

Amanda rolls her eyes. "And Tobias Hankel. You killed him. He had DID too, didn't he? And you killed him. Do you feel guilty, Dr. Reid?"

"I do." He says. He might as well be honest.

Amanda takes a long drag of her cigarette. "Saving Adam won't bring back Tobias Hankel."

Spencer nodded. "You're right. Tobias deserved to live his life too and I ended that life. I will never forget that, but this isn't about Tobias. It's about Adam. He deserves to live his life."

"Adam's fine where he is."

"I understand you're protecting him, Amanda, but he deserves to make his own decisions.."

"They asked you if you heard voices. If your own mental status played a part in wanting to help Adam. Does it? Dr. Reynolds tells me Paranoid Schizophrenia can be hereditary. We have some schizos here, you know? Must be scary, hearing voices."

Spencer clenches his jaw. "I'm not a schizophrenic."

"But you could be. You're not yet 30. It could still pop up, isn't that right?"

Spencer swallowed roughly. "And if I was, I'd do the right thing. I'd help myself."

"And what? I should help Adam? I am helping Adam, Doctor Reid. Keeping him away from anything that can hurt him."

"I can help Adam. I can-"

"No one can help Adam, but me? No one else knows Adam like I do. Not Kyle. Not Aaron." She interrupts, seething.

Spencer frowns, confused. "Who's Kyle?"

She stares at him, blankly for a moment before sighing dramatically. "It's been a long day and I'm tired. May I go to bed now?" She asked the therapist in the room. Dr. Reynolds nodded and called an orderly to assist the woman back to her room.

Amanda turns back to him. "It was nice to see you again, Doctor. I must admit, it's nice to have a visitor every once and awhile."

Spencer watches her leave, deflated, before the psychiatrist sat next to him. "Dr. Reid, it's...I think your visits helps a little, if that matters at all. You seem to be persuading the other alters."

"The other alters?"

Dr. Reynolds nodded, opening her file. "I'm not supposed to share this information, but seeing how you are a psychologist yourself, I don't see the harm." She smiles at him.

Spencer licked his lips, looking at the file.

"She mentioned Aaron and Kyle. Are they... alters?"

Dr. Reynolds nodded. "She's mentioned Aaron before. Supposedly he's, her words mind you, 'a horny little bastard' and Kyle. Kyle is the helper, I think. He's our best chance to get to Adam. I've been trying to let her to let me speak to Kyle, but if Kyle continues to see you visiting, fighting for Adam, maybe he'll be able to overtake her. That will be a major breakthrough."

"And how do I get him to come out?"

"It just takes time. Amanda will never trust you. She'll never trust anyone, but if you can get to this Aaron or Kyle who may be able to to trust then... something could happen. It's hard to tell when or how, Dr. Reid. These things are... There's not a real guide book to this disorder. It's very rare, you know."

Spencer nods. "You think that'll be possible to get to Aaron or Kyle?"

Dr. Reynolds nods. "Her outburst suggests they might be talking to her. The fact that the prosecution tried to destroy you on the stand today, and yet you continued to fight for Adam ... I think that showed them something."

Spencer sighs. "Do you think the defense has a chance?"

"I think the jury might see that this is real. I mean, it would be much better if we could actually show them Adam, let them see the difference in person, but...I think they definitely have a chance."

Spencer nodds before standing. "I should get back to my hotel."

"How long will you be in town for, Doctor?"

"I took some vacation leave, until the end of the trial."

Dr. Reynolds nods. "So I will see you again soon."

"Tomorrow, possibly."

**Criminal Minds || Parts Of You**

His phone rings and Spencer puts down his book to answer it. He smiles a little when he sees that it's JJ.

"Hello."

"Hey, Spence. Hotch told me about what happened today."

"Oh." He says, unsure of what to say.

"Are you okay?" She asks and he hears the baby in the background.

He smiles. "I'll be fine. How's Henry?"

"He misses his god father. Are you sure you want to stay out there so long? Why don't you just come home with Hotch after he's questioned by the lawyer.

Spencer sighs. "I got to make sure..."

"Spencer, he's not your responsibility."

"I know."

"Then come home. Come have dinner with us and just forget about work for awhile. You can't get so invested."

"This coming from the woman who sometimes cries over the people she can't save."

JJ sighs. "What if he gets convicted, Spencer? What if you can't save him?"

"I...I've got to try." He says, his voice sad, almost desperate.

"I just... I don't want to see you hurt again like you did after Hankel, Reid."

"I'll be fine."

"No you won't."

He doesn't say anything and Henry screams in the background, fortunately. "I've got to go, Spence. Please just think about coming home."

"I'll see you in a couple weeks, JJ. Give Henry a kiss for me."


	2. Chapter 2

Hotch does well on the stand, although he always does. Spencer assumes it's because he was a lawyer at one point. After the court lets out for the day, his supervisor comes to him and asks if he should get another ticket. Spencer smiles and declines, respectfully. He knows that JJ must have called Hotch and told him to ask. Hotch nods before he leaves the man alone. He's glad that Hotch doesn't pry. He leaves the courthouse going home to rest before he makes his way to the facility.

Amanda enters the room and sits, grabbing at her cigarettes.

"Who named you, Dr Reid?" She asks and he frowns at the normalcy of the conversation. He looks at Dr. Reynolds who nods, telling him to continue with the conversation.

"My father. My mother wanted to name me Thomas after Sir Thomas Malory."

She nods. "Interesting." She says, although she doesn't seem interested at all. "Why did your father pick the name Spencer?"

"It was his mother's maiden name. Gloria Spencer married Charles Reid who had William and Anna Reid."

"And your mother, does she have any siblings?"

"Daniel Gray. He's deceased."

Amanda nods. "How did he die?"

"He killed himself. He was a schizophrenic as well."

"How sad."

"You don't look sad."

She smirks, blowing out smoke. "I'm not. Tell me more about this Daniel."

"Why don't you tell me more about you." He challenges, not liking sharing such personal things.

She chuckles. "You've read my file. You already know everything." She says, a hint of malice in her words before her eyes move back to him, changing the subject. "Were your mother and uncle close?"

"I was only four when he died. I don't know. If I had to assume, I'd say they weren't."

"And why assume that, Dr. Reid?"

"My mother only wanted one child, where as my father, who is close to his sister, wanted many children. I assume that my mother's need to keep me from having siblings was due to her distaste of her own sibling."

"That's quite an assumption, Doctor."

"I know that." He says, a bit of attitude in his voice. She smiles, noticing it.

"Do you wish you would have had siblings?" She continues, unfazed.

"An older brother, maybe." He says.

"Why an older brother?"

"To have someone to protect me."

Amanda watches him for a moment. "To protect you?"

"I protect people all the time, Amanda. I save lives. I help people. And I love my job, but it would be nice to have had someone older, wiser...bigger to protect me as I went through high school."

"Oh yes, you were child prodigy, weren't you? I've researched you, Dr. Reid. Did the boys tease you, Dr. You had not yet gone through puberty while you were in high school. No...growth spurts." Amanda's eyes travel over his long frame, pausing at his lap.

Spencer feels his cheeks redden although he tries to fight it, knowing Amanda is just trying to get a rise out of him. "I..ahh, I don't want to talk about that."

Amanda looks up at him, seeing the blush. "Are you embarrassed by sexuality, Spencer?"

Spencer looked over at Dr. Reynolds to see her writing something. "I don't see how that's any of your business, Amanda."

"Have you even kissed a woman, Dr. Reid?" She asks, with a bit of laugh.

"Yes. Two, in fact." He says, attitude back. He knows he's playing into her game, but he can't fight it.

"Two and you're how old?"

"How is this relevant?" He asks, looking back at Dr. Reynolds, who is watching them intently.

"You want me to let Adam come out, so I have to know if you're worthy or not. Just answer my questions."

Spencer glares at her. "I'll be 28 in October."

"Who did you kiss?"

Spencer sighs, tired of the game. "Jennifer Jareau and Lila Archer."

"Lila Archer, I've heard of her. She's an actress, isn't she?"

"Yes."

"And Jareau. That sound familiar as well."

"She's on my team."

"The blond one. Yes. You seem to have a thing for blondes, Dr. Reid."

"Maybe... I don't know."

"What about men? A sexy thing like you must have had some big butch want something from you."

Spencer blinks, looking at her. The voice was different and Amanda would never be that blunt. "Excuse me?"

She closes her eyes, looking down. It takes a few moments before she raises her chin and opens her eyes.

"Ignore that. I don't want to know about those disgusting things. Homosexuality is a sin."

"And yet, one of the other alters is a homosexual?"

Amanda glares at him. "Aaron is a pervert who abuses Adam's body. I handled that situation years ago."

"What if Adam was gay as well?" He asks.

"Adam is not gay. Adam is... he doesn't think like that. He's very.. He's...He's not like that. Aaron manipulates him, makes him think like that, but he isn't."

"Aaron makes me him think he's gay?" He asks, confused, seeing her anger rising.

"Adam is not a homosexual! I will not talk about this. This meeting is over!" She says, standing up and walking towards the door.

****

Criminal Minds || Parts of You

Spencer lays on the bed, on the phone with JJ. She had called again after Hotch had arrived home. After arguing about him coming home, the conversation had slowed.

"Have you ever known anyone who was gay?" He asks and there's a slight pause before she answers.

"I went to college in Pittsburgh, Spence. I knew a lot of gay people. Why?"

He stares up at the ceiling. "Adam might be gay."

"Well, duh." She laughs.

"What?"

"He kept giving you puppy dog eyes the whole case you were interviewing him at the station."

Spencer frowns. "I didn't notice."

"You never notice those things, Spence." She laughs again. "I'm surprised you noticed Lilah's attempt."

"She pulled me into a pool and kissed me!" He squeaks. How could he not notice that?

"Exactly." She giggles before going silent for a few moments. "Have you ever known anyone who was gay?" Her voice more serious, almost thoughtful.

"There was a kid in high school that was gay. He was the closest thing to a friend I had because we were both picked on."

JJ doesn't say anything for a few moments. "I'm sorry you had it so rough, Spence."

He shrugs to himself "It could have been a lot worse."

"I guess you're right." She says, before the conversation slows again. She speaks again a few moments later. "So... You think he's a top or a bottom?"

Spencer furrows his brow. "What?"

"Top..or... you have no idea what I'm asking do you?"

"No, what's a top or a bottom?"

JJ chuckles. "Never mind, Spence."

"Okay," He says before changing the subject back towards his day. "I think I might have spoken to another alter today too. Aaron. He's the gay male."

"Why do you think that?"

"He asked if any 'butch' had asked for something from me. And he called me sexy."

JJ giggles. "Aaron's a definite top."

Spencer sighs. "I don't know what that means, JJ."

She giggles again. "I love it when you're clueless. It's so cute."

Spencer makes a disapproving sound and JJ only giggles more.

"Oh stop pouting. It makes me feel smart."

"Are you going to tell me or continue to tease me?" He says, a smile on his lips. He knows JJ wasn't being malicious.

"A top is someone who...is more..." She pauses for a second. "Dominant in sex."

Spencer flushes. "Oh. So... Oh. Well... Adam was very submissive in our interview. I mean, personality wise.. so wouldn't that relate to...sex?"

JJ chuckles again. "I can not believe we are having this conversation."

"You brought it up!" Spencer squeaks only causing JJ to laugh even more.

"Technically you brought it up with mentioning Adam was gay."

"Yes, but..."

"And to answer your question, personality doesn't always match."

Spencer bites at his lip. "Anyway…"

JJ goes quiet again. "Spencer, have you ever... never mind."

He frowns. "Have I ever what?"

"Nothing. Nothing. I should get to bed. Call me tomorrow, okay?"

He starts to ask her again when she hangs up.


	3. Chapter 3

Spencer closes his eyes, resting his head on his arm. He had spent the night before, researching Adam's history and then gone to the trial in the morning. He had yet to sleep and he was exhausted. He feels fingertips against his cheek and sits up straight to see Amanda looking at him. Or was it Amanda? He wasn't sure. He clears his throat, opening his mouth to speak when the other person beats him to it.

"You have perfect cheek bones."

He frowns. "I, ah.. Thank you?"

"Very prominent Adam's apple, too."

He gulps, finding himself nervous under the person's direct stare. "Uh…okay."

"Know what they say about prominent Adam's apples." The person says, their eyes running down Spencer's body. "How many you got?" He asks, casually.

Spencer feels himself blush before the person asks him a question. He furrows his brow. "…Just one Adam's apple."

The Not Amanda laughs. "Not what I meant, pretty boy. God, you're so innocent. It's cute."

Spencer sits straighter, before he realizes who this must be. "Aaron?" He asks, his eyes moving to the Doctor before back to who he assumes is Aaron.

The man gives a big grin. "Promised I would be good." He rolls his eyes, playfully, before they run over Spencer again. "You're sexy, in that nerd way. Not usually my type, like my men with a little more muscle, but I'd definitely take you for a ride, if you know what I mean."

Spencer feels his cheek burn even more. "I-I'm not gay." He squeaks and Aaron chuckles.

"That's not an issue. Even a straight man can enjoy a little-"

He winces, his words cut off before he shakes it off. "God, I hate that bitch." He mutters.

"Amanda?" Spencer asks, curious and glad the man is no longer flirting.

"Yea. Kyle used to keep her at bay with all her bible verses and bullshit, but not even he can do anything anymore. She kind of reminds me of Mark, which is weird, because isn't she the 'protector' or whatever the psycho lady said. How can she be a protector if she's like the abuser? Got any idea, Smarts?"

Spencer shrugs. "Maybe she's not the protector at all."

Aaron nods. "Maybe, but enough about her. You never answered my question? How many?

"of what?"

"Inches." Aaron winks and Spencer's eyes widen.

**Criminal Minds || Parts of You**

"I don't like Aaron." Spencer states after Aaron had been escorted back to his room.

Dr. Reynolds looks amused. "Why not?"

"He asked...me very PERSONAL questions."

"He also complimented you."

"Still!" Spencer squeaked, standing up to pace the room, unable to stay sited in his embarrassment. "He doesn't need to know about my... my... areas."

Dr. Reynolds raises an eyebrow. "Alright. Let's get back on subject. We saw another alter."

"Who asked-"

"I know what he asked, Dr. Reid." She interrupts. "Concentrate on the important-"

"That's pretty important!" Spencer says, pausing from his pacing to look at her.

"We saw another alter."

"Right. Why? How did Aaron get through?" He sits, again, curious.

"You said your friend thought Adam had a crush on you?"

Spencer blushes. "She said that he gave me... ahh 'puppy dog eyes'."

"Interesting."

"Why is that interesting?"

"The more alters we see, the closer we get to seeing the real personality. There must have been reason why Aaron came out. If Adam does like you, he might have helped push through the confident, sexual alter."

"So not only does Adam like me, but he wants to have sex with me?"

"No, I didn't say that. I'm saying that..."

Spencer shakes his head, his mind too full of questions to hear anymore. "I think it's time for me to go back to my hotel."

"Dr. Reid..." She tries, but he's already walking out the door.

"I'll be back tomorrow."

**Criminal Minds || Parts of You**

"He didn't!" JJ laughs. "What did you say?"

"Are you asking me too?" He blushes.

JJ laughs even harder. "No! No!" a pause. "Although..."

"Jennifer Jareau!" He gasps.

She snorts "You're so easily to embarrass, Reid."

"I don't ask you your bra size."

"Good, I fear that you might explode if you did. If you really want to know though its-"

"That's okay!" He interrupts quickly.

She giggles. "At least he didn't grab at you or anything. See for himself, if you will."

"Oh god." He buries his face into the pillow.

There was silence for a few minutes as JJ calms down. "How's the trial going?"

"Prosecution rests tomorrow, then it's all about proving that he really does have this disorder."

"Do you think that maybe Aaron could pop up a visit for the jury?"

"I don't know. I don't know how he showed up today."

"Maybe you could give him that pout.. in something sexy. That blue cardigan that kind of clings."

"...Are you telling me to seduce him?"

JJ falls into another fit of giggles and Spencer huffs. "This is serious."

"I know, I know. I just... pictured you at a gay bar."

"What?"

"You'd be a hit!" She cries out.

"...What?" Spencer sits up, confused as JJ continues to giggle. "Are you drunk?"

"No." She sighed, happily. "I.. why do you think Morgan calls you Pretty Boy?"

"To tease me because I have longer hair." Spencer says, as if it's completely obvious.

"Well, yes, but you're also... very pretty, Spence."

"Gee, thanks, JJ." He frowns. Men aren't supposed to be "pretty".

"That's not a bad thing!"

"Just not your type." He murmurs.

JJ was quiet for a moment. "I think we both know that I'm not your type, either, Doctor."

Spencer frowns. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing. I have to go put Henry to bed. Call me tomorrow?"

He nods, letting her comment go. It's the second time in their conversations she'd switched the subject quickly and he wonders what she's talking about. He knows that she won't tell him unless she wants to, though.

"Read him one of the books I gave him for me?" He asks.

"I can't even pronounce some of those words, Spence."

"Then, Tennyson. He likes Tennyson." He says, missing the little boy.

"He's an infant, Spence." She says, warmly.

"Children under the age of one can-" He starts, knowing she'll back down.

"Okay, okay, I'll read him Tennyson."

"Thank you." He smiles, feeling successful.

"Good night."


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer calls her again, a little later. Aaron still on his mind.

"Can you come out here?" He asks, looking out at the pool. He thought maybe the fresh air would help.

"Come out there?" She repeats, confused.

"I need to see you." He says, softly.

"What's wrong, Spence?" She asks immediately.

"I just really need to see you." He says, knowing that it's not normal of him to ask for company. He knows that JJ's probably worrying about him right now.

"I could come for the weekend." She says and he smiles.

His eyes move over the people who are sitting at the pool. The sun had been down for hours, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves. There's a couple, laying close together as their friends play around in the pool. The woman was wearing a blue small bikini. She was attractive. His eyes move to the man in white trunks before he turns away. Ever since Aaron had flirted with him, he had been thinking about homosexuality. He was raised Christian, but his parents had focused on the love part, rather than judgment. Plus, he was smart enough to know that race, creed, religion or sexual orientation had no effect on whether a person was good or evil. He had seen bad people of every kind. He didn't find the act of homosexuality wrong or anything. If he was honest with himself, he didn't understand why it was a big deal at all, but people were mean and Amanda was an example of that. She hated Aaron and he knew that there were many people like that. Dr. Reynolds words were stuck in his head too. Had Adam helped push Aaron past Amanda because he did like him? Was Adam gay? He almost hoped he wasn't, because he knew that it would be harder for him to succeed. Amanda would always fight against him and not only that, but society would be hard on him too, which would hinder his ability to integrate. He wondered if Adam was ashamed of who he was and that's why Amanda was so angry about it. Amanda was the protector and did everything to protect Adam - was she so homophobic to protect Adam against the people who would be cruel to him if he were gay?

"Spence?"

He shakes away the thoughts, moving back inside, trying to focus on the conversation.

"That'd be great. I really miss you and Henry."

She sighs. "Okay, Spence, What's really going on? An hour ago, you were fine and now you're upset."

He sits on the bed before laying back against the comforter. "It's nothing. I'm just wondering if Adam will be able to win."

"Why don't you come home, Spence. Get your mind off of Adam and Amanda for a while."

He thinks about it. It would be good to get away for awhile. Stop thinking about this and get Aaron out of his head. He could go home and spend time with his friends.

"Everyone here misses you. Come on. We'll all go out and get drinks and you can stay over and read all the Tennyson and Shakespeare and Malory you want to Henry."

He smiles. "Okay." He says, softly.

"Good. Now get into bed. You sound exhausted."

****

Criminal Minds || Parts of You

JJ smiles when she sees Spencer get off the plane. He wraps his arms around her, placing his head on her shoulder, closing his eyes. JJ smiles and hugs the man back.

"Miss me, Spence?" She teases as she pulls back.

"I did." He nods.

"Well come on. Morgan and Emily are waiting for us at the bar."

"Where's Henry?" He asked, pulling away from her.

"Penelope and Kevin are watching him. I think she's trying to get Kev on the baby train."

Spencer nods, grabbing his luggage. JJ wraps her arm around his free arm, talking about things as they make their way to the car. She continues as they drive to the bar.

Spencer smiles when he saw Emily and Derek. Emily gets up and ruffles his hair. "Finally got sick of the Gulf?"

"You could say that. How are you?"

"I'm good. We could have used your brain on that last case."

"No work speak!" JJ says handing Spencer a drink, which he gratefully sips. He nods at Morgan, who is watching a woman at the bar like a hawk. He sits down and looks around the bar. He can JJ's eyes on him, watching him. He knows after their last phone conversation, she's still worried.

"Oh, look at him. 11 o'clock." Emily said, her eyes on a dark haired man at the bar.

Spencer's eyes move to look at the man, too, just curious of what Emily thinks is attractive, he tells himself. The man is tall and muscular - not as much as Derek, but toned. He blushes at the realization that he's sort of checking the man out and looks back at his drink, embarrassed and confused. JJ rests a hand on his arm before she speaks.

"He's cute. You should go talk to him, Em."

"He's like 20." She snorts. "I'm just looking."

Morgan finishes his drink. "I'll be back."

JJ laughs. "No he won't. So, Spence...Did you get too see Aaron again?"

Spencer flushes. "No. Thank god." He hadn't even see Amanda again. She had refused to see him before he left, still fuming about Aaron's visit.

Emily looks between them. "Aaron?"

"One of Adam's alters. He was all up on our Doctor."

Emily grins. "Oh?"

"No, he wasn't! He asked me... things. Inappropriate things!"

Emily raises an eyebrow. "Do tell."

"He asked how big Spence was." JJ cuts in.

Spencer looks at JJ with a slight glare and Emily giggles.

"What was your answer?"

"Emily!" Spencer chides. He couldn't believe both Emily and JJ had asked that!

"Come on, you're 6'1.. you're tall so...you have to be..."

"Emily!" JJ says, laughing, looking over at Spencer, who looked like he was about to die of embarrassment.

Emily laughs and sips her drink. "Okay, okay. I'll stop."

Spencer sighs. "I hate you both."

JJ kisses his temple. "You know you love me, Reid."

Emily looks between the two of them, before rolling her eyes. "When are you two going to get together? It's kind of sickening."

JJ shakes her head. "We're just friends. I have a boyfriend."

"You have a baby daddy." Emily corrects, looking at Spencer. "You need to make a move."

Spencer blushes again. He'd be lying if he had never thought of it. They had kissed once after their date years ago, but he hadn't wanted to ruin their friendship. "I'm... We're not like that, Emily." He says.

"Yeah yeah yeah."

JJ shakes her head. "I have to go pick up Henry. You coming, Spence?"

Spencer looks at her before Emily, then back to JJ. "Sure."

Emily rolls her eyes. "See!"

****

Criminal Minds || Parts of You

Spencer grabs the pillow and looks at her. Will was out of town for a family thing and JJ had invited him to stay to talk after she put down Henry for the night. She lays, next to him, a thoughtful look on her face.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks.

"Emily."

He looks at her confused. "What?"

She turns to him. "She seems to think you like me, that I like you."

Spencer licks his lips, nervously. "Mmhmm."

"But you don't like me, do you, Spence?" She asks, softly.

Spencer frowns. "I like you."

She smiles and reaches out to run her fingers through his hair. "I know you like me, but...you don't like me like that." She says and sighs, when he gives her a blank look. I saw you check out that guy at the bar."

Spencer pulls back, embarrassed that he had been caught looking at the guy.. "I did not."

"Spence, it's okay." She says, slowly, watching him.

He sat up. "I'm not... I don't.. That's..." He had looked at him, sure, but it was nothing more than seeing what Emily liked. That was all!

"I don't care if you're gay, Spence. It's okay." She says, sitting up and reaching out to touch his shoulder. He looks at her. He's not gay. She smiles at him, supportively. He frowns. She thinks he's gay! He's not gay. He grabs her face and kisses her, trying to prove it.

JJ pushed him back. "Spence!"

He kisses her again and this time, she wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He deepens the kiss before JJ pulls back away from him, a little breathless. She looks up at him.

"Feel anything?" She asks.

His brow furrows. He should have felt something more than he did, he knows. He's in bed with a beautiful woman who is pressed against him, holding onto him.

"Your lips are soft." He says, weakly.

She smiles. "Not what I meant, Spencer." Her fingers brush against his neck.

He sighs, leaning his forehead against hers. "I...want there to be." He says and means it fully. He doesn't want to be different. He doesn't want to be like Aaron.

JJ pulls back and kisses his forehead. "It's okay."

It's not okay though. He was already different enough. Being gay only made it worse. He shakes his head.

"Maybe we should try again?" He says. He knows pratice makes perfection. He could make himself feel something.

JJ chuckles. "Spence, practice isn't going to make a different."

"How do you know?"

JJ rubs his back. "I just know. You can't change who you like."

He sighs, before resting his head on her chest. JJ's watching him, he knows, her fingers continuing to run through his hair, letting him think about everything without interruption.


	5. Chapter 5

He only stays the weekend, not wanting to miss any of the trial. Plus, he feels awkward around JJ now. He spends most of his time with Henry and Penelope while he's home, going to the aquarium with the two. When he gets back, he visits Amanda, who agrees to see him. She's much more at ease when she sits.

"You're back." Amanda drawls with a smirk on her lips.

"I have to testify for the defense."

"Not until Thursday." She said, looking at him. "Why are you here 4 days early, Doctor?"

"I want to speak to Adam." He tries, although he knows it won't work.

"You don't get to speak to Adam." She says, rolling her eyes.

"How about Aaron?" He says, even though he doesn't. Aaron is the last person he wants to speak to after the incident with JJ.

She glares. "Why would you want to talk to Aaron?"

He shrugs. "I want to know all about you." He says, using her words against him

Amanda snorts. "Sure you do, Doc. What am I a study now? Are you going to write a book about me?"

"He said you're more like Mark than any of the-"

"Shut up."

"You're supposed to protect Adam and the other alters think you're like the one who caused-"

"I said shut up! They don't know anything! Aaron uses Adam just as much as that asshole did. He takes his body and takes him to clubs and does things - IMMORAL things! I kept Adam safe! I took that pain for him. I was the one who dealt with Mark every time he came around. They don't know. They don't know anything."

"You took his body and you killed those people."

"They deserved it! They deserved everything they got. That one guy pushed him and tried to hurt him. I couldn't let Adam get hurt like that again. I couldn't let another man push him around."

"And the others, they did nothing-"

"They all treated him like he wasn't good enough. That he ddidn't deserve to be there. It was his home! It was his home and they walked in there and acted like they owned it! They acted like they deserved to be there and it was his home and the things they said to Julie... It wasn't right. It wasn't right at all."

"Like Mark?" Spencer asks, softly. "Like Mark came into his home and treated him like he wasn't good enough. He acted like he owned it. He hurt Rosemary."

"He killed her and nobody did anything."

"He murdered her?"

"He caused her death." Amanda says and rubs her eyes. Spencer wonders if another alter is trying to push through. "And Adam..." She pauses, looking down, unable to continue.

Spencer reaches out to touch her, slowly, seeing sadness in the alter's eyes. It can't be Amanda. Amanda doesn't feel sadness. He places his hand on his/her knee. He looked up at the person who raises their eyes to stare at him. For a minute, they just looked at each other before she pulled away with a sneer. That's definitely Amanda.

"Don't touch me!" She growls

"I was just trying-"

"I know what you were trying to do and you can get the hell out."

"Amanda, I wasn't..."

"GET OUT!"

****

Criminal Minds || Parts of You

Spencer looks at his phone, debating if he should call JJ. He didn't know what to say to her, though. He didn't want her to think he was mad at her, because he wasn't, and yet... he couldn't dial her number. Her words had been stuck in his head for days. She was an attractive amazing woman and when they had kissed...nothing. Was he really just... not attracted to woman? He thought women were beautiful, that had to mean something, didn't it? He sighed and laid back on the bed. He thought men were strangely beautiful though too. But that didn't mean anything. Everyone who fit a specific mathematical equation due to facial feature height and position were 'attractive.' Adam was attractive. He frowned. Where had that came from? Spencer shakes his head and closes his eyes. His mind going back to his conversation with Amanda. She had reminded him a little of Adam today. Vulnerable, almost. Was that why he reached out to her? To reach out and touch Adam? He sighs in frustration and dials up a number. He waits until someone answers.

"Home of the knowledgeable, ask and you may receive." Garcia's voice flutters through his phone.

"How do you know if you're gay?"

There's a long pause. "Reid?"

"Is there a test or something that helps you distinguish, because I keep thinking about Adam and I kissed JJ and I didn't feel anything." He tells Penelope. Other than JJ, he's the closest with her. They understand each other, the two "different" ones of the BAU.

"You kissed JJ?"

"Penelope!" He whines and Garcia clears her throat.

"Spencer, I can't just ask you a few questions and say, "Yep, you are!" or "Nope. Try again with JJ."

"Do you think I should try again with her?"

"No... Spencer. You're not listening to me. " She sighs. "Sexuality doesn't work like that. It's more...fluid. Whoever you find attractive is who you find attractive. You don't have to label yourself. you just... do what feels good."

"That doesn't help me."

Garcia chuckles. "Okay, then... hold on."

Spencer listens to her as she typed.

"Check your messages." He hears her say a few seconds later and he sighs, pulling the phone away from his ear. He has a picture message. He opens it and his eyes widen seeing Derek Morgan shirtless with his pants slung...very low. He gulps.

"Why did you send me that. That's my.. He's my friend!"

"Yeah, but did it turn you on, because honey, if that doesn't make your pants a little tighter, you are not gay."

"I.. ah... uh.. He's... He's my best friend!" He squeaks before shifting a little.

Garcia chuckles a little. "Maybe so, but those abs are just lickable aren't they?"

"Penelope! I'm never going to be able to look him in the face again."

"Oh, honey. Now you just know what I see every time I look at him. Although, if you are...excited, it might be a little awkward for you, seeing how your... reactions are a little more physically showing than mine." She teases.

"Garcia!"

She giggles. "Oh don't worry. that eidetic memory only works for things you read, right? Oh! Got to go, my chocolate hunk just walked in. TTFN, lover boy."

Spencer hears the click of the phone before shaking his head. Sometimes he really disliked Garcia. He bites on his lip before looking around the room. He clicks on the message again before looking at the picture. He sighs. He definitely was something other than normal.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note:

Wow, it's been a long time since I updated this huh? Well… Here's a new chapter. I have went over the old chapters and changed some things - not much. You probably don't have to re-read them if you don't want to, but seeing how its been so long, you probably should. Some scenes are missing. I accidentally got rid of the "It's easy to pretend" scene which sucks, but…I've tried to re-add it in this chapter.. This story will still not be updated regularly, but I thought I'd give you at least a chapter, since it's been so long!

* * *

The next three days pass slowly as the defense parades a long list of experts. Even Julie, Adam's old friend, gets on the stand for the defense. She's paralyzed from the fall, but she tells the jury how Adam changed into someone else, that it wasn't someone she knew. Spencer watches Amanda as the woman's on the stand and visits her as the day comes to an end.

"Dr. Reid." She says.

"You seemed upset when Julie came on the stand."

She stares at him blankly.

"She's still fighting for Adam, even after what you did to her. Doesn't that mean something?"

"Julie liked Adam." She says and rolls her eyes. "Of course, she'd fight for him."

"But Adam didn't like Julie, did he? Adam… adam liked me."

Amanda glares. "Adam didn't like you."

"He did. He was scared of Morgan, but he trusted me. He talked with me."

"He did not like you. He liked Julie. They even kissed." She tells him. "Aaron screwed that up, though." She mutters.

"Aaron screwed it up?"

"He pushed through, told Julie he was gay. But Adam isn't gay."

Spencer sits back. "How do you know?" He asks.

"I just know! He kissed Julie! You've kissed women. You're not gay."

Spencer opens his mouth before he closes it. Amanda stares at him and Spencer clears his throat. "Just because Adam kissed her, didn't mean he liked it." He says after a moment.

Amanda rolls her eyes. "He liked it."

Spencer looks at his fingernails. "It's easy to pretend."

Amanda glares at him.

****

Criminal Minds || Parts of You

He testifies as best as he knows how. He rambles too much, about the psychology and the personality changes, but he gets through it. He doesn't know if he affects the jury or not, but he hopes he does. He's the last witness and the judge sets a time for the closing statements for the next day. Spencer doesn't go visit Amanda that afternoon. He's sure that the woman probably wouldn't even see him. Instead, he sits in his hotel room, his mind racing.

He thinks about the two women he's kissed in his life. Lila Archer, who had pushed herself onto him into the pool. She had been a great kisser and he'd be lying if he hadn't been flattered at the fact that she was interested in him. She was a movie star, beautiful and talented. Had he felt anything though in the kisses? Maybe, it was hard to tell. It was so fast and then, he had told her about her agent. That had been the end of anything that could have happened. Of course, then, he saved her life and he had stayed the night with her - only talking of course. They were friends now, meeting when she was in town or if he had a case in L.A. Nothing romantic ever happened between them again.

And then the kiss with JJ? He hadn't felt anything, even with the fact they had been in bed together, her body pressed against him. There should have been something. He closes his eyes and imagines it again, trying to force his body to react. It doesn't work.

He sighs, his mind moving back to the conversation with Garcia. Sexuality was fluid, she had told him. He didn't have to label himself. Maybe he just didn't find Lila Archer or JJ attractive in that way. He snorts. If he didn't find those two women sexually attractive, then he must be gay. Lila was a model and JJ, well.. JJ was JJ! He sighs, frustrated. He couldn't not label himself. His mind didn't work like that. Every equation had an answer. This had an answer and he needed to find it, but why? Why did it matter? Sexuality and romantic relationships hadn't been important to him before. Those things weren't important to him, so why was this such an issue at all. He was focused on his job, his education. He was too busy to be in a relationship regardless of what the gender was of the other person. Hotch's marriage had failed because of the job. Emily and Morgan both couldn't make a relationship work because of their hours, not that Morgan have ever really tried regardless. The only people who had relationships that were stable was Garcia and JJ and according to Emily, JJ's relationship wasn't doing so well either. He should just let it go. It didn't matter.

He sighed. It did matter.

****

Criminal Minds || Parts of You

He sits, waiting. He hadn't slept the night before again. He had eventually stopped thinking about his own sexuality by pushing it out of his head and focusing on case files he had brought back from home. He had worked all night.

"You look tired. Let me take you to bed." He hears and looks up.

"Aaron?"

The man grins. "In the flesh. Guess you made an impression on Little A."

"Little A?"

"Adam." Aaron corrects. "Your little "It's easy to pretend" speech gave our little boy some hope." He teases and Spencer feels himself flush.

"I… I'm sorry?" Spencer looks over at Dr. Reynolds.

Aaron closes his eyes and when he opens them again, he glares.

"I don't want to see you! Get out of here!"

"Amanda?"

"You'll never get to Adam!"

She closes her eyes and when they open again, she shakes her head. Spencer turns to Dr. Reynolds, who's watching intensely.

"What's going on?" He asks her.

"Stupid bitch." Amanda - Aaron? - mutters. "Always trying to rule the system."

"The system?" Spencer repeats, still confused.

"That's what the whole personality force is called. " Dr. Reynolds says, coming forward, watching Aaron. "How long have you been around, Aaron?"

Spencer watches the doctor, before looking back at Aaron who's rubbing his temple.

"Since A was 13."

"With puberty." Dr. Reynolds says, writing it down. "When Adam started to create his sexuality."

Aaron grins. "I'm the reason, A gets laid. Amanda'd never let my boy have any fun. No sex until marriage. Marriage is only between a man and women. Blah, Blah-"

"How many other alters are there? Are they all so co-conscious?" Dr. Reynolds cuts him off.

"Uh, fuck, I don't know. I know that Adam doesn't retain anything that Amanda does. He knows what I do. I know what he does. I don't retain what Amanda does, either. I hear her inside and she's always bitching, but what she does when she has the body, I don't know. Kyle… Kyle's never been out, so I don't know if we would know what he does. He's kinda just a voice that tells us what to do. He's the one who's been spewing your psycho bullshit to us, filling us in about the Sexy doc here." Aaron winks at Spencer, who flushes.

"Do you think you could keep the body from Amanda?"

Aaron shrugs. "Amanda's pretty strong. She's fighting to get out, but as long as you keep the pretty boy in front of me, I could try." He grins again. Dr. Reynolds looks at Spencer, who shrugs, a little shocked at everything that's going on.

"We can do that, right? Dr. Reid, you're willing to talk with Aaron a little longer?"

Spencer stares at the man. He really didn't want to. Aaron made him uncomfortable with his over-the-top flirting and the outright staring. He was trying not to think of his sexuality and with Aaron right there, flirting with him, it was difficult. But, he knew that this was good for Adam. This was a step in the right direction. He nods and Aaron grins largely.

"You know a kiss might get me to stay a little longer." He leans into Spencer who tenses automatically. Aaron chuckles and pats the man's cheek.

"Oh, I'm just teasing, you pretty little thing. Don't look so scared. Although, fear does look good on you." He winks.

****

Criminal Minds || Parts of You

Dr. Reynolds walks as she talks with Spencer.

"This could be a major break in your trial! If Aaron is able to continue to keep consciousness, Mr. Greggors could put him on the stand."

"The prosecution has already rested." Spencer says.

Dr. Reynolds frowns, making her way into her office. "Right, right. That's a shame. But still! This is such a great step! Getting Aaron out is one step closer to getting to Adam."

"But how long will Aaron stay out?"

She leans against her desk. "It's undetermined. Amanda has become the main personality and has kept that for months. For their to be a switch in the main personality, it would take a lot of challenge from the other alters. Adam being faced with the fact that he could have killed people during your case probably pushed him into himself, giving Amanda full access to become the main personality."

"And my…conversation with her pushed her into herself?" He asked, confused.

"No, but like Aaron said, your words sparked something in Adam, the host personality, and maybe he helped push Aaron enough to challenge for the main personality."

"Well why can't Adam push through to be the main personality again?" He asks, not understanding why the system would make Aaron the main.

"Because Adam is so broken, he can't handle fighting against Amanda. Aaron seems strong and confident enough to be able with Kyle and Adam behind him to be the most reasonable main. Aaron was probably the main during Adam's teen years. He's probably the one who pushed Adam to get emancipated and such. Once, Adam was free of the foster care system and his abuser, Aaron could have relinquished full control, only coming out when Adam was sexually attracted to someone."

"Until Amanda." Spencer says, sitting down, following the woman's thoughts.

"Yes! Amanda is the protector. She would only come out if the system was in danger until becoming the main."

"So as long as Aaron stays safe, he should be able to keep a hold of the main personality?"

Dr Reynolds shrugs. "It's hard to tell. Amanda now feels like Adam is no longer safe at all. She feels that she is the only way to keep Adam safe. She might continue to fight Aaron for control. It all depends how strong Aaron is."

"But Aaron's just the sexual side of Adam, right? How strong can he be?"

"We'll just have to wait and see."


End file.
